Bernard 2: Round 12

Last round, Salmon and Jamaica expanded their family by two when twins Poe and Leia were born. The added stress prompted Jamaica to be the first one in town to hire a nanny. Meanwhile, both parents continued to advance in their chosen careers, though Salmon's choice of the criminal track still didn't sit well with his wife.

 Hi, guys!

Luke: Hi, mysterious voice!

How's everything going around here?

Leia: Ok, but I think Mommy's getting grouchy again.

She's probably just tired. You four are a lot to handle all at once.

Jamaica: Ok, now, I have to get in some piano practice. So please, just sit and play your card game...quietly!

Poe: Ok, mom...

Leia: Mom! Luke's cheating!

Luke: Am not! She's lying!

Well that peace lasted all of 5 minutes...

Jamaica: Leia, please. I just want to get a dinner finished before I head to work.

Leia: Why can't Dad make us dinner? He knows how to cook...sort of.

Jamaica: Because the last time Dad made dinner I came home to everyone eating blue confetti cake and bouncing off the walls from a sugar high.

Salmon: So, what do you guys want to do while Mom's at work.

Leia: Can we go to the park?

Salmon: Again? You guys just went yesterday.

Han: But we want to play on the jungle gym!

Salmon: I have a better idea...

The humor and hijinks festival?

Salmon: Why not? I think it will be a great place to take the kids.

It goes until 11 at night.

Salmon: Eh, staying up late once won't hurt.

So, what exactly does this festival entail?

Salmon: Oh, well, I just take a swig of this punch here, and then I try to cause as much mischief as I can.

Do you really think that's a good thing to be teaching your children?

Salmon: Oh, relax. They're joining the jokester side. You'll see. This will be a nice, educational night out.

The jokester side?

Luke: Yeah. We just have to be funny to people.

Well, that certainly sounds nicer than what your dad is doing.

Salmon: Hey! Why did you slap me?

Khloe: For telling my my tea was poisoned!

Salmon: But it's the hijinks festival! We're supposed to do things like that!

Khloe: Yeah, to the other team! Not to each other!

Sorry, Salmon. I think the kids have got you beat on this one. They already like each other...

Leia: This is so easy! All we have to do is tell jokes to each other! Ok, I've got one...why did the fish have a bad report card?

Luke: Why?

Leia: Because his grades were all under "C"

Wait...there's money involved in this?

Salmon: Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that part.

So, because all 4 kids were on the joke side, you just got $2,000.

Salmon: See? I told you it'd be a worthwhile night out.

Now what are you doing?

Han: Watching the fireworks.

Fireworks?

Ah, very pretty. But, it's almost midnight. You guys better get a story ready for your mom.

Jamaica: There you all are! It's past midnight! Where were you?

Han: Mom, it was so cool! Dad took us to the prank festival, and our side won, and we got fireworks!

Jamaica: So, let me get this straight. You took 4 school-aged children to the hijinks festival, kept them out until midnight, and let them come home with pockets full of explosives?

Salmon: In my defense, we also won $2,000.

Salmon: And if you don't forward this to at least five other people in your address book, you will suffer bad luck for...

Salmon?

Salmon: Yes?

Are you sending out chain letters?

Salmon: Maybe...

May I ask why?

Salmon: Dunno. It's fun, I guess.

It's fun to annoy people?

Salmon: Yeah. I can't believe people can be this stupid to fall for this stuff!

Salmon, you might want to tone this down. Your wife is kind of in the public eye, it may not look good for her husband to be an internet troll.

Although it doesn't seem to have affected her so far. Congratulations.

Jamaica: Thanks.

So, you're a crimelord?

Salmon: A minor one, but yes.

How does Jamaica feel about that?

Salmon: Oh, she's fine.

Somehow I doubt that.

You're sending letters to ghosts now?

Salmon: You said I shouldn't annoy people with my letters. What do they care? They're dead. 

I'm not even going to ask how that's possible...

Hey, you guys got a table!

Jamaica: Yup, slowly but surely we're making this house big enough for all of us.

Salmon: By the time it's done they'll all be grown up, but whatever...

Jamaica: Well maybe if your job at the...um...

Power plant?

Jamaica: Yes, thank you. If your job at the power plant brought home more money we would be done by now.

Yes! The end of the child farm is in sight!

Looks like they sprung for some monkey bars for you and Han too, huh?

Leia: Dad got tired of taking us to the park. He said the money was worth it for the extra sleep. 

Looks like it's Salmon's birthday too...

Woo! Just in the nick of time! Now let's get you to that cake.

Happy birthday, dear Luke...

Again with the mixologist? This town is going to be nothing but drunks.

And I think you need a quick trip to the dresser too.

Luke: Oh, come on. It's not that bad.

It really is.

Luke: At least let's do my dad's birthday first.

Happy birthday, dear Salmon...

So, did aging up make you re-think your job at the...power plant?

Salmon: The kids are asleep...

Oh, good. Seriously, this criminal thing...

Salmon: What is the big deal?

The big deal is that you could get arrested. Not to mention that you're setting a horrible example for the kids, and that the money you bring home is less than what Jamaica can bring in writing a jingle.

Salmon: You sound just like she does. You worry too much. Besides, the kids don't even know what I do.

Yeah, and I don't know how much longer that's going to work either.

At least they seem to be learning from Jamaica as much as Salmon.

Leia: We just became best friends!

Well seeing as how you're twins that's not surprising.

Man, it's just birthday central around here this week.

Happy birthday, dear Jamaica...

Congratulations!

Jamaica: Thanks!

Poe: Han! Did you hear something?

Han: Do you think it's the monster.

Relax...go back to bed. It was just your father getting home...

Poe: But why would Dad be getting home in the middle of the night if he works at the power plant?

Han: People need power all the time, stupid.

Yeah, I really don't know how much longer Jamaica's going to be able to keep this secret in.

Poe: Huh?

Han: What secret:

Never mind. Go back to bed

Oh, great...you're a mobster now?

Salmon: Hey, you guys wanted me to make more money, this was the higher paying branch.

(Sigh) Whatever. Look, I've got to be on my way. Just try not to get arrested until I get back here next round, ok?

A Message From the Mysterious Voice: Man, this lot was exhausting! I'm really trying to get all 4 kids' aspirations. Han and Leia both have motor, so they should be ok, but Poe's social one is still up in the air. And I finally found a use for the humor and hijinks festival! When I first read the descriptions of the festivals this was the one I was interested in the least, but it turned out to be a nice, safe environment for Salmon to get his requisite mischief interactions in. Plus, it ended up giving the family a significant amount of money so that was an added bonus. (I genuinely did not know there was a cash prize involved.)